A man and his BBQ

I need to preface what follows by saying that Sonya's Dad is an absolute star, a real diamond geezer. We get such a lot of support from him. Twice a week he picks Michael up from school and drives him to his tennis lessons, stays and watches Michael and then drives him back to our place. Last Friday when we were expected Sonya's cousin over for a BBQ on Saturday he popped round and mowed our lawn without us even asking him to do it. I mean the guy needs to be canonised.

Anyway, as some of you may know the Greeks love their BBQ. But it is not just any old BBQ; it must be the right sort of BBQ.  It must have multiple height adjustable motorised rotisseries and it must cook over coal. Gas or electric just doesnt cut it.

Any chance they get - it's "Lets get out the BBQ". Sonya's Dad had cooked the traditional BBQ on Easter Sunday to mark the end of Lent. But since Sonya's cousin was coming over last weekend it was decried that we would have another BBQ.

Sonya's Dad, herein after known as the Father In Law or FIL for short, said he would come over to our place to cook the BBQ. "You do have coals dont you" says FIL. "Of course we do" says I.

Anyway we didn't, so on Friday night we stop of to get a bag of coals from the local service station. Only they didn't have the normal bag we get so we buy a bag of something called BBQ briquettes. I mean how different can they be.

Saturday afternoon comes round and the FIL arrives with sleeves rolled up ready to do his thing. Except he takes one look at my bag of coals and says "Why didn't you get proper coals?" Son in Law mutters under his breath "They look fine to me."

FIL proceeds to try and light the briquettes just using firelighters. "Don't you want some kindling?" says SIL. "No this how I do it"

SIL retreats back to the kitchen and pours himself a glass of wine. Leave him to it thinks SIL; don't get between a man and his BBQ (even if it is your BBQ).

20 minutes later SIL vetures outside to see how things are going. "These are crap coals you bought" says FIL. "I have used half the box of firelighters and I still can't get them too light." "Let me get some kindling." 10 minutes later the briquettes are alight and getting up to operating temperature. SIL goes back into kitchen to refill glass of wine. Resists termptation to say "I told you so."

BBQ is loaded up with skewers of meat and away we go; or so I thought. Soon enough the frown reappears across FIL's face. Wife pops out to take some more meat and comes back - "He's not happy; they're crap coals you bought."

"What now?"

"They're not hot enough!"

SIL strides purposefully out to BBQ, puts hand over coals and says confidently "Feels pretty hot to me." What would SIL know.

"They're crap coals you've bought, they don't retain their heat. It will take forever to cook all the meat!" This evidently isn't a proposition to be debated but a statement.

FIL suddenly makes his mind up and goes to get his coat. "Where are you going?" says SIL. "To get some proper coals!" SIL is sensible enough to know to say nothing at this point. The meat meanwhile continues its patient cooking.

40 minutes later FIL finally returns. "They didn't have coals at your local service station, I had to go all the way into Croydon" "No shit" thinks SIL. "Why do you think i bought the coals I did."

FIL goes on to say "I've bought my BBQ over too." "It's exactly the same as our BBQ" says SIL. "Why will your BBQ be any quicker?" "I know my BBQ" says FIL mysteriously.

SIL piles up his "crap" coals onto our BBQ to get it blazing away whilst FIL lights the coals pre soaked in petrol and also soon has his BBQ roaring away. "See these coals light perfectly" observes FIL sagely. "Well they would with that much petrol" thinks SIL.

Soon two BBQ's are happily churning out meat and fishing charred to perfection and the afternoon proceeds along in the lazy happy way of BBQ afternoons. Wife advises some time later that FIL is still stressed by how long it took to cook meat. Mind you no has gone hungry waiting for the meat as kitchen table was groaning under a dozen different dips and starters.

SIL decides its not worth debating and shows great maturity when FIL comes up to him later on and says that I must make sure to get the proper coals next time and not the crap coals I bought.

Rest of the day was fine